Empathy in Action: How to Support Unemployed Friends

In a previous blog post, I explored the importance of empathy—how understanding someone’s experiences and emotions can build stronger connections and foster a sense of community.

Today, I want to touch on that topic again, but in a more specific context: navigating friendships when one of you is unemployed.

For those of us who have experienced job loss, we know how emotionally exhausting and isolating it can feel. Friends often want to help, but their well-meaning questions can add to the stress instead of easing it. And with the holidays quickly approaching, there’s an extra layer of complexity that often goes unnoticed. Let’s unpack why this happens and how we can approach these situations with more empathy.

"Well, have they tried this?"

This question often stems from a genuine desire to help, to offer a solution that might alleviate the struggle of unemployment. It's natural to want to problem-solve, especially when you care deeply about someone and wish to see them succeed. However, for the unemployed friend, this well-meaning suggestion can carry unintended implications. It can feel like a subtle critique, as though they aren't doing enough or haven't considered all their options. The instinct to problem-solve generally comes from a good place, but when one is unemployed, they're deeply aware of the problem. Unless you're able to give them their dream job starting on Monday, trying to find solutions to the problem is not going to help.

The reality of being out of work is that it's an all-consuming experience. Your mind is constantly racing with strategies, job applications, interview preparation, networking ideas, and contingency plans. The question, while intended to be helpful, can inadvertently add a feeling of self-doubt. It might make them wonder if their efforts aren't visible, sufficient, or effective—feelings they're likely already battling.

Instead of asking this question, consider offering validation and encouragement. A simple statement like, "I can see how hard you're working at this, and I know it's not easy. I'm here for you, no matter what," can provide reassurance and show your support. It lets them know you recognize their efforts and are standing with them, without unintentionally adding to their stress or self-doubt.

"What about...?"

Another common question is the suggestion of alternative paths or options: “What about applying here?” or “What about starting something completely different?” While brainstorming can be helpful in the right context, these questions can often feel dismissive. They unintentionally convey that the person hasn’t explored every option, when in reality, they’re likely exhausting themselves doing exactly that.

Rather than offering ideas, try offering a listening ear. A conversation focused on how they’re feeling, rather than what they’re doing, can be a powerful show of support.

Talk to Them, Not About Them

When someone you care about is unemployed, it’s easy to talk about them with others—perhaps asking mutual friends if they’ve heard how they’re doing or speculating about what they might be going through. While these conversations often come from a place of concern, they can unintentionally be isolating to the person who’s out of work. What they need most is direct support and connection, not to be the subject of side discussions.

Reaching out to them personally can make a world of difference. A simple message like, “Checking on you,” or even something playful like, “Friend check!” can go a long, long way. These small gestures show that you’re thinking about them and that they matter to you. They don’t need to be lengthy or elaborate; it’s the act of reaching out that carries weight.

Your outreach reminds them they’re not alone and gives them the space to share what they’re comfortable with. It can also help bridge the gap that unemployment often creates, where people may hesitate to reach out because they’re unsure what to say. A direct, caring message is always better than silence or indirect concern.

One thing I often discuss with friends is how isolating unemployment can feel, especially when it comes to staying connected with others. A recent experience really drove this point home for me: I learned through a mutual acquaintance that a former colleague had asked about me. While it’s nice to know they were thinking of me, what would have meant so much more is if they had reached out directly.

From my perspective, I haven’t heard from this person in over a year. Without this secondhand information, I would have assumed they didn’t care or had forgotten about me entirely. This situation is a reminder that indirect concern doesn’t always translate to the person it’s meant for. A simple text saying, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you,” would have gone so much further in showing genuine care and connection.

Moments like this highlight how important it is to take the step of reaching out. Even if you’re unsure what to say, a short message can be incredibly meaningful and help bridge the emotional distance that often comes with life’s challenges.

Practice Active Listening

One of the most impactful ways to support someone who is going through a tough time—like unemployment—is through active listening. Last year, I experienced this firsthand when I bumped into a relative who I don’t get to see or speak with often. He’s someone high up in the corporate world, and as soon as he saw me, he shook my hand and said, “I heard you lost your job. I’m so sorry. How are you?” Those were his exact words.

In that brief moment, he expressed genuine concern and asked how I was doing. What followed was nearly an hour-long conversation, where he mostly just listened. There were no unsolicited pieces of advice, no “Why don’t you try this?” or “Have you thought about that?”—just quiet understanding and focused attention. He made me feel truly seen, which is something many of us crave during difficult times.

This unexpected encounter hit home for me. It wasn’t someone I thought would take the time to connect, but he did, and it meant the world. On the other hand, there are people I expected to check in—people much closer to me—who still haven’t said a word. That silence can be deeply hurtful and isolating and to be honest, I let those relationships dissolve.

Moments like this illustrate the power of active listening. You don’t need to have the perfect advice or solutions to offer. Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is simply listen without judgment or interruption. Being present for someone in this way shows that you value and care for them, and it can make a profound difference in how they feel.

The Holidays Add More Pressure

The holidays are a magical time for many, but for unemployed friends—especially those with young children—they can feel like an impossible obstacle. Money is already tight, and the added stress of holiday spending only amplifies the emotional toll.

Friends with good intentions often buy gifts for the children of their unemployed friends, but it’s worth pausing to ask first. While giving gifts might feel like a kind gesture, it can unintentionally send the message that the unemployed family can’t reciprocate. Many of us don’t want to feel guilty about not giving gifts back, and we don’t want our children to feel that imbalance either.

Additionally, some of us have had to make the painful decision to scale back our holiday spending even further, which can upset those who don’t understand. Rather than being hurt that an unemployed friend might not attend a party or exchange gifts, consider how they might feel—heartbroken over having to say “no” to traditions they once loved.

It’s easy to sit back and think, “How could they not show up?” But instead of jumping to that conclusion, think about what they’re going through. Having to make these choices is devastating, and it’s often compounded by a sense of being excluded from the lives of friends who live comfortably. Sometimes, it feels like losing a membership to a club that only allows financially stable people in.

"Why don’t you just...?"

The “just” question is the most frustrating of all because it minimizes the complexity of the situation. Whether it’s suggesting a temporary gig, freelancing, or taking any job available, these comments can feel reductive. They don’t account for the emotional, financial, or logistical hurdles that come with being unemployed.

Instead of defaulting to a “just” solution, try asking, “How can I support you right now?” This opens the door for your friend to share what they truly need—whether that’s help reviewing a resume, a distraction from the stress, or simply some words of encouragement.

How to Support an Unemployed Friend

At its core, being a supportive friend isn’t about solving the problem; it’s about showing up. Unemployment is a season of uncertainty, and your friend might not have all the answers—or even know where to start. What they need most is to feel seen, valued, and supported without judgment.

Listening actively is one of the most powerful ways to support someone going through unemployment. Let them vent or share their thoughts without interjecting advice unless they specifically ask for it. Celebrate their small wins, whether it’s a callback, an interview, or even just a productive day of applications—acknowledging these moments can boost their morale. Sometimes, offering a distraction can be just as helpful. Helping them take their mind off the stress with something fun or lighthearted can provide a much-needed break. Lastly, be understanding about the holidays. If they mention needing to scale back, respect their decision without making them feel guilty. Compassion and empathy go a long way in supporting someone through tough times.

Empathy Builds Bridges

Friendship, like branding, is about understanding the other person’s experience and meeting them where they are. By offering empathy instead of unsolicited advice or expectations, we can build stronger, more supportive connections.

If you’ve ever felt unsure of how to help a friend through unemployment, I hope this blog offers some clarity. And if you’re currently unemployed, know that your worth is not tied to your job status, and the right opportunity will come in time. Until then, let’s keep building each other up with kindness and understanding—this holiday season and beyond.